In college, partying on a Tuesday was the norm. If you felt like being a total bum every now and then you could simply skip class. Dealing with an asshole boss was not part of your day-to-day, and dirty laundry, a lack of furniture, and Playboy posters didn’t typically hinder your chances of getting laid when your brought a girl home.
Alas, times have changed. Even if you’re one of the lucky ones who now works for themselves or has settled into a cushy job that allows flexible hours, there’s no getting around the fact that a LoveSac and a pile of books no longer cut it as furniture. Not, at least, if you ever plan on bringing someone back to your place and hooking up or having them return again. The collegiate charm and subsequent slight acceptability that the whole frat house aesthetic once had is now beyond gone, replaced instead by an expectation not of millionaire-esque decor, but simply of grown up human things. If you’ve received a college diploma, you should absolutely own the ten things on the list below. You can thank us after your next date.
This doesn’t mean your entire home or apartment needs to be decked out in state-of-the-art pieces but owning an actual bed, some sort of a couch and a table is a must. If your visitor has to sit on a bean bag chair while you two watch Netflix, you probably won’t even make it to the chill part that would’ve taken place on the mattress on your floor. Ikea is cheap and delivers right to your door—there’s no excuse not to furnish your place.
You know how gross it is to go to the bathroom in a restaurant, gas station, museum, or the like, only to discover there is no soap to wash your hands with. To your guest, your apartment, which is foreign territory, is no different. She has no idea how clean or sanitary your home actually is, so be a gentleman and ensure her the simple comfort of an antibacterial hand soap.
Because there’s a chance it could come in handy for either one of you. Enough said.
Keep this somewhere she can easily find incase she wants to use it herself. Morning breath is real and being stranded with no minty freshener in sight is one of the worst parts about sleeping over at someone else’s home. Preemptively alleviate her stress via a strategically placed bottle of Listerine.
A real—as in, alive—plant
Not only will some greenery score your major interior decor points but it’ll also show your date that you can indeed care for another living thing. Succulents and African Violets are a good place to start as they don’t need a ton of sunlight or water.
...preferably displayed in frames. If your walls resemble any of those on Greek row and are adorned with ripped posters, strands of Christmas lights, or simply nothing at all, choose a few pieces of artwork or a couple of photos that strike your fancy and take them to get framed immediately. They don’t need to be fancy or artsy, they just need to be...there.
A laundry basket
Dirty clothing shoved under a bed, into the corner of a closet or strewn across a bedroom is the opposite of an aphrodisiac. Contain your laundry (and its smell).
Glass cups would be nice but anything that doesn’t cave to your grip or feature a team mascot on it will do. A nightcap served in a plastic Dodgers cup isn’t exactly the epitome of sexy, no matter how much you love the team.
You’d think this would be a given; you’d be surprised. A tile cleaner, a glass cleaner, paper towels, a sponge, and a broom—these are the bare necessities. Use all of them before she comes over, and in every applicable room.
Extra (clean) towels
Having to dry off after a shower with a damp and dingy towel previously used by a relative stranger probably isn’t an experience that will entice a girl to return to your place. Wrapping up in a fresh fluffy one might be.